June 11, 2011 (posted late!)
Wow! It’s been another great week up here at Fort Wilderness! This past week was once again packed full of training and preparation for both the staff and the camp itself. The rest of the staff got here this past weekend so we officially have all of our staffers here! There’s about twenty five people working this summer, and it’s been really fun to get to know each one of them! It’s fun to see all of the connections that Fort has built over the years, and how each one is significant for each person. It’s awesome to see the community that comes in through our Lord!
This past Tuesday, we had an afternoon of silence and quiet to spend time with God, whether that meant napping, reading, praying, or just sitting. I had really been struggling while being up here with some things spiritually. I know that this summer will be pushing me out of my comfort zone in literally every area of me at some point…many points already! It’s been great to have the challenge, but I could see that I was trying to do it all myself. I knew that I needed to give everything to the Lord and find my strength in Him, but for some reason, I just didn’t understand how. Many times, I felt overwhelmed and like I was about to break…not because it was more than I could take, it was just more than I could do on my own. I was really seeing just how much I will be relying on the Lord to get me through this summer. I felt like I was very inadequate and was afraid I’d mess everything up. Tuesday afternoon, I read out of a book called Life Issues. This book has a reputation of kicking my butt every time I open it! The Lord really convicts me and teaches me quite a lot through the wise words. The next chapter in the book was on perfectionism. I didn’t go through it at the very beginning of the summer because I didn’t think I struggled with it. However, the Lord showed me how much I still struggle with having a performance-based perspective. It went very thoroughly into many roots of perfectionism, many of which hit home for me. It then went into roots of contentment. I really realized that I was not trusting the Lord to be sovereign in my life. I was reminded that the Lord is the Lord of me (imperfect me) and my life (my imperfect life). My failures do not effect the completion of the Lord’s purpose. He’s much bigger than that! I also was reminded to fully rely on the Lord. I need to be relying on Him everyday for the strength to get through every skill I learn or every sinereo I face. I don’t have to worry about messing up or being inadequate—not only are the people around me very gracious and forgiving, but the Lord will give me the skills and strength it takes when those obstacles come around. I need not worry about anything else!
It also challenged me to trust God with something specific right away. I chose to really trust Him with the lifeguard training that I had the next three days. I felt like my swimming was something that I was fairly confident in and yet I was challenged from the get go. I didn’t think I could do it and was anxious about all the responsibility that comes with it. The Lord challenged me with being dependant on Him, both for the skills and strength. It was a very intense and exhausting three days, but when I passed and finished everything, I was so joyful and thankful!! The Lord definitely got me through it and proved to me that when I rely on Him and take things one step at a time, He won’t let me down. Praise God!